I remember it very clearly. I had been a zombie since my separation and felt like everything was unravelling in my life. I had no idea where anything was headed and I was just trying to keep my day to day basics together (ie. drag myself to work, keep my job :), be as attentive to the kids as possible, eat, fall to bed exhausted, repeat). I realized later on during a routine physical exam that I was also iron deficient for the first time in my life, which made everything feel more exhausting and my body more like molasses.
My life plan for one long marriage was gone. What wrench did that throw into all my other plans for life? Where was my life heading now? I was coming up with nothing, as far as new life plans go..so I was just putting one foot in front of another until (hopefully sooner than later) purpose and/or passion returned to my life.
So, through all that fogginness, one summer's day, I found myself sitting on the front porch and the kids were playing in the yard, and we were laughing and chatting and playing together. And I remember clearly realizing that we were having a lot of fun just hanging out and enjoying each other’s company. During this experience, I wasn’t worried about anything – past or future. My heart felt filled up and happy. It felt fantastic!
And as clear as day, it came to me: THIS IS IT.
If I had died the next day, it was these points in time, these real and loving periods of human connection, which makes this life worth living.
So... what about the rest of my life? :)
That day, I resolved to aim to have as many of these connections as possible! I needed to be open and invite more of these soul to soul connections into my daily life and so on. No other parts of my life should take away from this priority. Cause loving connection fed my soul in a way that felt so satisfying and complete.
Similar to what's written on regrets people have on their death bed: I haven’t hear they regret the amount of time they spent working or that they should have worried more – it’s always something about spending more time with loved ones. Or being more forgiving.
And on some surface level, I already knew all this to be true, but on that summer day, it REALLY sunk into my whole being.
So, fast forward a few years, and in the meantime, I’ve intentionally worked to improve the depth of connection and intimacy with my kids and with those I hold dear to my heart. I’ve asked more uncomfortable or probing questions which I would have shied away from before, I’ve spoken the truths in my heart, and through all this, I’ve been surprised about what I’ve learned about people and what they’ve learned about me in return. It feels messy at times and scary too but it certainly feels real and less glossed over, and overall it feels good.
I feel like I've really seen people for who they are, and I’ve been more honest and open with people, which seems to allow for true soul to soul connection. There's less pretense and more honesty. It absolutely feels like my life has become richer for it all. So, I'll certainly continue on with this way of moving through my life. And we'll see where it goes!
For each of you in 2017, I wish more real, loving connections for you and your loved ones. And between your ex, and your neighbours and between strangers – everyone you meet for that matter! I know for sure, our lives can only improve with more real loving and soul connections. It reminds us that we are all in this life together and people are just doing the best they know how.
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Together we can positively change the way families are affected by Separation & Divorce! :)