How are you handling stress in your daily life?
The past few months have been very dramatic and shocking in ways I never would have seen coming. Maybe you're feeling the same? It got me thinking about how well we manage stress, day over day, year over year.
You know those sparkling eyed 80 year olds that still seem so young at heart? That's how I want to end up :) ...but stress can really age you, it can wear you down quickly or slowly. It's a tricky one to wrangle.
So, I made a giant list of ways to keep my stress down or balance it out with some healing, so that over the decades of my life I will remain feel young at heart :)
1. sleep well (6-8hrs a night or on average the experts say!)
2. close your eyes & take 3 deep breaths (in...out...in...out..in...out)
4. read a book
5. meditate (a super easy one is to just sit somewhere with your eyes closed and become aware of your breathing)
6. smell the roses...
Lately, there have been several dads who’ve contacted me about this topic. So, if you’re in this boat - first off, it’s more common that you might think – and there’s comfort in knowing that you’re not alone in this, right?
Secondly, wholly crap. This is a huge pill to swallow. Brutal.
It would have definitely been nice to have an old friend be an ear for you, as you go through all the shit that goes on as your marriage ends and as you move on with your life. What fuckin' jerks. To put it mildly.
Needless to say, please cut yourself some slack. Walking through this pile of shit will take time. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Give yourself time to process it all. This will require a lot of patience and time. You don't want to get stuck in the rabbit hole forever.
Processing it all could mean...
1) taking time off work on sick leave or vacation to straighten...
Loneliness is a funny thing – I know that sounds weird but for me it is true.
Like a lot of people, I have the tendency to become a bit of a hermit when I’m hurting and upset and generally don't know what to do next.
In retrospect, I can see how becoming a temporary hermit helps me quiet down my life, so that I can hear my inner voice, or inner knowing, that silent sureness – whatever you want to call it doesn’t much matter :) That inner voice always seems to need to be more desperately heard in times of great turmoil.
So, I figure that’s why I hermit when life gets too impossible.
Which is great. For awhile. Except a hermit is a lonely existence overall.
But please - don't rush this phase. It is the magic of the universe dressed as loneliness. Just be lonely for awhile. Try and become comfortable with loneliness. Trust that it'll pass, but let it serve you while it's around.
Get to know yourself...
Last week, a friend’s brother committed suicide. He was going through a hard divorce and he had very limited access to his kids, because his ex requested full custody. He had little community resources at his disposal. Eventually, he could see no way out except one. He isn’t the first and he probably won’t be the last.
What a devastating blow to his children who love him immensely.
So, here I am, asking all mother’s everywhere, who may be considering Separation/Divorce or who are in the midst of mediation or court. Please. Think of your children first. And when thinking of your children, remember that the two people your children love most in the world are: you and their dad.
And having been in your shoes, I understand full well that you and their dad probably aren’t seeing eye to eye on much these days. And that you feel as though you know how to care for your children far better than he does.
Below is an article I wrote for Elephant Journal - I hope you enjoy it! Within it, I discuss four key ways to ensure you move on in a healthy way. If you have anything else you want to see added to the list, leave me a comment below or send me an email - I'd love to hear from you!