Last week my twin girls had their 13th birthday - time flies doesn't it? And I couldn't help but remember how I felt when I found out I was expecting them.
When we were told we were expecting twins, my world massively and suddenly flipped completely upside down - very, very similar to the way life feels right now.
I was so concerned about the health of my babies - could I carry two healthy babies?? I mean, I had never even had one baby yet.
How would I continue to work while pregnant with twins, cause I'd probably have to take an early leave because of either my health of the twins' health.
Two kids at once?? What?? Seriously. What a feeling of overwhelm and fear and more scary thoughts.
So, what's a girl to do?
How'd I go from despair to laughter? Click on this video to watch the rest the rest on video - f you prefer that to reading :)
So, what's a girl to do?
Dig Deep. I was going to carry...
This is so important because a lot of times parents know what they value and who they value BUT when they look at their current life and what they spend a lot of their time doing, their activities don't reflect their values as much as they thought they would!
If this is you - how do you get your values and your daily life to jive a little better?
Check out my latest YouTube video on this topic!
And keep in mind - I go back to reflect on this values and weekly activities, atleast once a year! It's a constant work in progress :)
Cause it's really easy to let time wasters or 'shoulds' sneak into your life!
At the end of the day, I wish you a life you are satisfied with :)
You can choose to lay on your back and float through life or walk through your life a little more consciously as far as what gets your time and what doesn't!
Wishing you all the best,
Lately, there have been several dads who’ve contacted me about this topic. So, if you’re in this boat - first off, it’s more common that you might think – and there’s comfort in knowing that you’re not alone in this, right?
Secondly, wholly crap. This is a huge pill to swallow. Brutal.
It would have definitely been nice to have an old friend be an ear for you, as you go through all the shit that goes on as your marriage ends and as you move on with your life. What fuckin' jerks. To put it mildly.
Needless to say, please cut yourself some slack. Walking through this pile of shit will take time. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Give yourself time to process it all. This will require a lot of patience and time. You don't want to get stuck in the rabbit hole forever.
Processing it all could mean...
1) taking time off work on sick leave or vacation to straighten...
I was on a retreat a month ago that changed my life forever.
It was called ‘Seduction of Spirit’ and is put on by the Chopra Center, which was founded by Deepak Chopra.
I’ve been a HUGE fan of Deepak Chopra for over 20 years – I still vividly remember the first book I ever read of his, it was called How to Know God, and while it blew my mind at the time, it also rung so deeply true to me. Like when your soul knows it to be true, it resonates.
And ever since, I’ve kept reading his books when they interest me and I’ve seen him speak a few times when he’s come to Ottawa.
I have a Civil Engineering degree, so I’ve got a naturally scientific mind and I’ve always loved the way he blends science with spirit & mind/body concepts.
ANYWAYS, this retreat was primarily a meditation retreat – with lots of doses of yoga and talks with different mind/body teachers and researchers. It was also in Sunny...
Let’s face it – as your marriage ends and you start your new life as a family with two homes, the shitty situation seems enormous, almost unmanageable, and whether or not you can actually climb over a shit pile that huge appears doubtful a lot of the time.
And for a long while you may not even be able to tell which way is up and which way is down, and if you’ve made any progress out of all this shit at all.
It sucks. It really fucking sucks.
So, what can you do?
Believe it or not, you have choices.
What will you do?
I hope you’ll see beyond the shit. To your version of a great life.
Where you have someone to unconditionally love you and be your cheerleader in life. To raising well adjusted and resilient kids. Having the freedom to travel and vacation more often. Those are just a few of mine :)
Let that dream be your fuel, when you don’t think you have anything left in the tank.
We’ve all been there, a friend or loved one is going through something really difficult and you just don’t know what to say or how to begin to make them feel better.
And we’ve definitely all been there, when you have a well-meaning friend or loved one and everything they try and say about your marriage ending just falls so flat or worse - actually offends you. Or even super worse, people just avoid you all together because they don’t know what to say and feel like avoidance or saying nothing is actually better.
So, this got me thinking about when my marriage had newly ended, and how many people just never discussed it or ask how I was doing for what seemed like FOREVER. Or if they did ask and I actually gave them a brief but honest answer, they simply weren’t prepared to just hold the space for me – they had no idea how to respond and just ended up standing their awkward until the topic of conversation was changed. It never...
What do you enjoy most in life and who do you love most? Where do you spend your money? Do you spend money in a way that is aligned with your values?
Now I know, Money can be a HUGE stress during those initial months & years after your family becomes a family with two homes -- or at any time frankly! But this is also an opportunity to give yourself a reality check.
I’m pretty good at math, so when my marriage ended, I knew the basic logic sucked – me and my ex made the same amount of money we did before we separated, except now we had to run two separate households – YIKES! And most people aren’t rich enough to have had two homes beforehand, unless you’re a celebrity!
Having money fears is totally normal BUT that doesn’t mean you need to ignore the whole topic and not deal with your budget and current financial situation.
I did this for a long while and my money fears didn’t subside – funny enough.....
How do you intend to live the rest of your life after Separation/Divorce'?
Write it down. In detail. Let's get real here.
I imagine your response is similar to what mine was, I just want to be happy, I want to be a good parent, and have good relationships with the people I love - especially my kids. I want my relationship with my ex to have a flow and ease to it. All great stuff!
Now close your eyes and in your mind's eye - really see it happening, imagine your life the way you want it to be, as if it's happening right now. Who would be in your life? How would you act towards others?
How would it feel?
Please, really do the visualization. It's so powerful.
It only needs to be for 5 mins or so! You know you're onto something when you can feel your body physically responding to the visualization - like happy tingling and just an overall positive feeling building in your body.
Continue on with the visualization daily or weekly or...
Let’s face it – we all have days when we just want to keep our head in the sand, pull up the blankets in bed and stay there all day. When it all looks too daunting to bother. This is always when we are in dire need for a change in perspective.
Whether we want to admit it or not :)
Since this weekend is Thanksgiving in Canada, I’ve had my fair share of being outside and enjoying the leaves changing colour recently. Going for a hike or just walking around a park, it’s amazing the way the landscape changes based on the season, and fall is one of my favourite seasons!
The enormity of it all always blows my mind – the look offs with their vistas, the beach looking out into an endless ocean. The smallness of you and me. It’s breathtaking.
Get your head out of the sand, out of your own problems, and look around – nature is spectacular!
And for me, it is a continual reminder that the world goes on – through good...
When you're in the early months or years after Separation or Divorce – decluttering and minimizing your life is a must! Your life depends on it.
When my ex and I had first separated several years ago, I remember feeling completely overwhelmed by the way my family life had changed in such a short period of time. I had never lived on my own before, and while I’d call myself very independent, it was amazing to me how much I had to learn or relearn to completely run a household on my own. Not to mention the mountains of emotional baggage I needed to sort through at some point.
At my most overwhelmed, I remember making a mental list - while I lay on my bedroom floor - of all the things I HAD to do to keep my life running. The bare minimum. Just the things required to ensure that what was left of my life wouldn't implode. I had to work. I had to feed the kids. I had to do whatever was required to ensure the kids were...