Let’s face it – as your marriage ends and you start your new life as a family with two homes, the shitty situation seems enormous, almost unmanageable, and whether or not you can actually climb over a shit pile that huge appears doubtful a lot of the time.
And for a long while you may not even be able to tell which way is up and which way is down, and if you’ve made any progress out of all this shit at all.
It sucks. It really fucking sucks.
So, what can you do?
Believe it or not, you have choices.
What will you do?
I hope you’ll see beyond the shit. To your version of a great life.
Where you have someone to unconditionally love you and be your cheerleader in life. To raising well adjusted and resilient kids. Having the freedom to travel and vacation more often. Those are just a few of mine :)
Let that dream be your fuel, when you don’t think you have anything left in the tank.
And that takes a commitment to having faith in yourself, hope for a better future, and a commitment to being a great role model for your kids. As you are climbing through a pile of shit - no easy feat.
But I know you can do it.
You can maintain and foster the positive attitude in spite of the shitty situation. It’s a habit, so anyone can do it, it just takes practice. This habit will serve you throughout your long and wonderful life.
Now, I would say I’m a naturally optimistic person, and through those first few years after my marriage ended, I got into a rut of negativity and just anger at the universe. Nothing seemed to be going right.
Totally understandable, but it began to wear on me. Like I wanted to change but couldn't get out of my bad attitude.
Then at some point, I saw who I’d become – someone who was mad a lot, who was fearful of what would come next, it was as if I was closing off myself to life. I was just adding shit to my already huge shit pile.
But once I noticed this, I could choose to change my attitude.
And I did, slowly but surely.
By acknowledging good things that happened – sort of savouring them, so the good stuff didn’t pass by without me even noticing! And by writing in my gratitude journal – three things I’m grateful for at the end of each day. Corny as it sounds, I swear to god, it works!
Bit by bit, I turned my ship towards hope and faith in the future, and optimism. Fear took a back seat.
My heart held gratitude even if my external situation hadn’t changed that noticeably - at first. :)
My kids could tell the difference too because I reacted differently to them. We all became less stressed and tense and more connected. Happier.
As always, wishing you all my best,
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Together we can positively change the way families are affected by Separation & Divorce! :)