Separation and Divorce: Building Resilience in Our Kids

co-parenting Nov 20, 2016

I’ll be completely honest with you – when my ex and I separated I wanted, more than anything, for the kids to be unaffected.  From where I sit now, I can see how completely naive and impossible that idea was – thankfully I’ve grown a lot since those early days!

I think it’s fair to say that no parent wants to see their kid(s) to struggle.  Especially, when they struggle with a situation that you’ve had a hand in creating in their lives {insert a pile of guilt here!!!}.

It’s also hard to attend to your kids as best you can when you’re struggling as well.

So, between us all, let’s agree to drop this unrealistic expectation from here on out.

Kids will struggle when adjusting to a separation or divorce.  That’s ok.  It’s a massive change.  Who wouldn’t?  Separation and divorce is painfully hard.  And sad.  And crappy.  And the short end of the stick. And an overall...

Continue Reading...

When Your Child Doesn’t Want To Be At Your House

co-parenting Sep 26, 2016

Ouch.  Just writing this title pains me on a visceral level.

For me, these are the hardest times  - when one of the kids is mad that they are at my house and/or they want to be with their dad.  Nowadays, it happens during a transition between our two houses.  Typically, it starts off with something relatively minor – someone wants to finish a puzzle they’ve started or they are having fun and don’t want to finish up a game to go to my house or the other way around.

When a child of mine is crying that they don't want to be at my house or they just want their dad.  It nearly destroys me.  It drowns me in my guilt about a marriage that’s over, that their dad and I have permanently failed our children.  And then doubles down, with a ton of anxiety for the future happiness of my children.  Cause sometimes in my mind, everything hinges on this one failure of ours: the splitting up of our family.

For the most part, my...

Continue Reading...

20 Years Since High School Grad: How far Have You Come?

I’ve been on vacation for the past few weeks, and as I sit in my parent’s kitchen in Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, I have been trying to make some sense of how it’s been 20 years since I graduated high school.

20 years is more years than it takes to be a legal adult for god sakes!  At least in Canada :)  And that’s just my life SINCE I’ve graduated high school – I lived plenty before then too!

But I don't feel "old".

I think I’ve been trying to wrangle my literal age with the fact that it feels like just yesterday that I was heading off to university and moving out of my parents’ house.  And boy oh boy, did I ever think I knew everything!  Everything was possible, with some hard work and determination.  That sort-of thing.

Thankfully, most days, I feel as young as ever and have been blessed with good health - so far so good as they say!  I think it also worries me that this life passes by so quickly...

Continue Reading...

Imagine a World where this is Reality

I hope that one day, all families of separation/divorce can truly live each of these items wholeheartedly.

1) I believe that you can genuinely love/care about your ex-spouse.  You can fully respect them and have a peaceful relationship that includes a healthy dose of respect and loving care.  You have a lot of history together and you both have a serious interest in raising your children.

2) I believe you love your children more than life itself.  Everything you do - and especially, and likely most difficult at the beginning, how you relate to your ex-spouse - should come from a heart drenched in the love of your children.  How can you hate your ex when your kids think he/she is as awesome as you?

3) I believe amazing things can happen when you act from a place of love.  It's all about love.  Always.  No matter what the circumstance or scenario.  Do you react from a place of love or hate?  It's entirely up to you.  Even if the other...

Continue Reading...
1 2 3
Close

50% Complete

Almost there!