This photo is of my ex’s printer, in my front entrance. The story of how it got there is why I am so grateful for my ex and his willingness to co-parent as reasonably and lovingly as possible, for the sake of the kids.
Last week, one of my daughter’s came home from school and announced that she had a project she HAD TO FINISH that night. To complete the project she needed to print off a few things.
Doh. My printer has been out of ink for AGES. So, printing anything off wasn’t going to be as easy as pie.
So, I tell her this, and she immediately says – we can just go to Daddy’s place and print the pictures off there.
:) Not wanting to put words into my ex’s mouth (..like presuming he’d say no and that we should just go out to buy new printer cartridges), I figure I’ll txt him and see if this is possible. Cause I figured it probably was the easiest way to get things printed.
If all else fails and your marriage has to end, then let’s at least make the most of a bad situation and ensure a healthy gender balance going forward. Might as well start as you want to go on!
I mean, who really wants to look after their kids solo - 24/7 - until they are off to college/university? Not me. I mean not if I have any choice in the matter. I kiss the feet of single moms and dads out there, which is an incredibly hard gig.
No martyrs necessary.
Who cares if you think you can make a better meal than your ex. Or can play a better game of baseball with them. True fact: the kids certainly don’t care.
What they do care about is both of their parents being in their lives. In a meaningful way.
Even on the odd time, when my ex and I don’t alternate weekends, we do two or three weekends with the kids in a row, because the other is travelling. During these times, one or more of the kids always mentions that they...
I just had the worst Christmas of my life!!
But wow, am I ever brimming with gratitude for my community in a much deeper way than I’ve ever felt it before! And I thought I was a pretty grateful and appreciative person before.
To back up a bit, my boyfriend got a sudden and life threatening illness just days before Christmas, while I was out of town visiting with my family on the East Coast. So, I flew back for several days, until I knew for sure he wasn’t going to die or need to be amputated, and then flew back out East to spend a few days with my kids and get a bit of a ‘normal’ Christmas in. And then we drove back to Ottawa early, so I could get back to ensuring my boyfriend would make a full recovery.
What a nightmare.
He was coming down with a bit of a flu or something seemingly typical before Christmas, but wow. He ended up spending just over a week in the ICU and then another 2 weeks in the hospital recovering, and now he’s...
How do you intend to live the rest of your life after Separation/Divorce'?
Write it down. In detail. Let's get real here.
I imagine your response is similar to what mine was, I just want to be happy, I want to be a good parent, and have good relationships with the people I love - especially my kids. I want my relationship with my ex to have a flow and ease to it. All great stuff!
Now close your eyes and in your mind's eye - really see it happening, imagine your life the way you want it to be, as if it's happening right now. Who would be in your life? How would you act towards others?
How would it feel?
Please, really do the visualization. It's so powerful.
It only needs to be for 5 mins or so! You know you're onto something when you can feel your body physically responding to the visualization - like happy tingling and just an overall positive feeling building in your body.
Continue on with the visualization daily or weekly or...
Last week, a friend’s brother committed suicide. He was going through a hard divorce and he had very limited access to his kids, because his ex requested full custody. He had little community resources at his disposal. Eventually, he could see no way out except one. He isn’t the first and he probably won’t be the last.
What a devastating blow to his children who love him immensely.
So, here I am, asking all mother’s everywhere, who may be considering Separation/Divorce or who are in the midst of mediation or court. Please. Think of your children first. And when thinking of your children, remember that the two people your children love most in the world are: you and their dad.
And having been in your shoes, I understand full well that you and their dad probably aren’t seeing eye to eye on much these days. And that you feel as though you know how to care for your children far better than he does.
We can do better.
The events in Charlottesville, Virginia, USA this past week have really fueled my fire. It has got me thinking really, really deeply. And just to be clear, I live in Canada, but I’d be naive to think that hatred and violence could never happen here for similar reasons.
Racism is so evil. Hating someone based on nothing but their race is impossible for me to understand. Religious persecution is evil. Sexism. Patriarchy. To see someone as less than you. Seeing yourself as more entitled.
With that backdrop, how do we even begin to start a discussion? Where’s the common ground? How can we get to a point where each side can truly see the other, to understand the other, to see each other with compassion and as fellow human beings?
It feels too big a mountain. Too hard.
And when I think of my children. It all scares me to the core.
Is this the world we want to give to our...
What a circus parenting is sometimes – except none of the adults are laughing, when they are all at an event for their child/step child and just trying to make sure it's all cordial.
It can literally feel like a circus I’m sure. When you’re all together, it can feel like you are competing to get (and keep) your kids’ attention. Cause somehow, your worth as a parent is gauged by whether or not your child wants to hang out with you more, when they have the option of hanging out with any parent they want! You know you’ve thought it and felt the pang of hurt when they choose your ex! :)
Now I’m not there yet, I’m dating a great man but haven’t introduced the kids. My ex is keeping a low dating profile, so I’m not sure where he’s at exactly, but certainly no one new has been introduced to the kids on his side either.
However, last week, I did find myself at my girls’ gymnastics finale –...
Let's be honest, parenting is a hard gig. Thank-goodness, it takes a community to raise a child :) I have found such comfort in this idea and since my Separation have come to see that this is the only possible way to raise children while keeping your own sanity and personal interests.
Juggling children on your own (even if you are a part of an amazing co-parenting team, you still have the children on your own for large chunks of time) is exhausting and awesome and so many things in between. And the pressure to do it all as parents is SO HUGE, it’s absolutely crushing at times.
Now, before my Separation, I was never one to ask for help. I’m sure I’m not the only one here :)
However, once I was Separated, there was no way I could handle everything on my own, which forced my hand: I had to be open to help that was offered and to even (terrifyingly) admit I needed some.
My kids are also getting older and with each year that passes, the world...
This was such a terrifying question to me initially because I didn't feel that I could ever explain the situation well enough to really have the kids understand. Keep in mind my kids were 6yrs and 3yrs old when their dad and I separated.
I spent a ton of time, as my marriage was ending and during the first year or more after we moved apart, being paralyzed by this immensely terrifying fear and doom, where I thought that by separating, our kids were now officially damaged beyond repair and essentially ruined BUT at the same time wishing and hoping and praying that they would completely and always be happy through it all. Like the slightest tear was a sign of my complete failure as a mother and needed to be wiped away and replaced with a smile as quickly as possible.
My marriage ending was my cross to bear for eternity. I was a shitty mom because my kids were grieving the family unit they’d known since birth. My failure in a marriage had caused them...
Sleep. Yes, I’m serious.
No matter where you are on your Separation/Divorce path right now, your life will improve with more sleep! Just try it.
Your parenting will also improve with more sleep. It’s a win-win. It’s almost like magic.
On my worst days, which are usually around the end of the week, when I’m completely exhausted from work, and I’m kicking myself for not getting as much done as I had planned at the beginning of the week. And I also need to dig deep, to somehow find patience for the kids, this insanity is always because I’m low on sleep.
And getting enough sleep is certainly a struggle with a million other priorities, absolutely, unquestionably.
However, I have actually consciously gotten a solid 8 hrs of sleep a night, for say, a week at a time, and my life improves. And so will yours. Try it for a week. Even just commit to a certain number of nights a week, where you’ll make...